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Spe Salvi

7/28/2014

Here is something from Pope Benedict's Spe Salvi which spoke to me:
The true measure of humanity is essentially determined in relationship to suffering and to the sufferer. This holds true both for the individual and for society. A society unable to accept its suffering members and incapable of helping to share their suffering and to bear it inwardly through “com-passion” is a cruel and inhuman society. Yet society cannot accept its suffering members and support them in their trials unless individuals are capable of doing so themselves; moreover, the individual cannot accept another's suffering unless he personally is able to find meaning in suffering, a path of purification and growth in maturity, a journey of hope. Indeed, to accept the “other” who suffers, means that I take up his suffering in such a way that it becomes mine also. Because it has now become a shared suffering, though, in which another person is present, this suffering is penetrated by the light of love. The Latin word con-solatio, “consolation”, expresses this beautifully. It suggests being with the other in his solitude, so that it ceases to be solitude. Furthermore, the capacity to accept suffering for the sake of goodness, truth and justice is an essential criterion of humanity, because if my own well-being and safety are ultimately more important than truth and justice, then the power of the stronger prevails, then violence and untruth reign supreme. Truth and justice must stand above my comfort and physical well-being, or else my life itself becomes a lie. In the end, even the “yes” to love is a source of suffering, because love always requires expropriations of my “I”, in which I allow myself to be pruned and wounded. Love simply cannot exist without this painful renunciation of myself, for otherwise it becomes pure selfishness and thereby ceases to be love. (#38)

I sent the quote from Pope Benedict to Sean, the socialist atheist grandson-in-law who became a Catholic at Easter and I like his respone: Wow, beautiful and enlightening, thank you. I like this part about a "society unable to accept its suffering members... is a cruel and inhuman society."

It reminds me of a homily I heard last week. Father was asking how it must affect us to live in a "throw away" culture, where we discard anything slightly defective, broken or out-dated. Can we really constrain this to our material goods without treating people this way? Compare it to Malawi (Sean was in the Peace Corps in Africa) where any material good was useful, even if only as fuel for the fire and then even ashes where precious.

Things Jesus has been telling me in my heart:

Jesus: You cannot help longing for greater closeness to all those you love. That is part of love. But you have to accept the suffering that on earth this is so difficult because everyone is afraid great love from you could mean greater attempts by you to dominate them! Please let the Holy Spirit lead you moment by moment on initiatives with family and close friends without so much anxiety, guilt and anger!

“Each day, Jesus says, be happy that you are with Me and thank me for each thing you can do at your age vs. worry about what you can’t do or need help with.”

“What I want to bring you to, starting this very day, is a much simplified spirituality of receiving in the now everything We, the Trinity, your angel, and our saints, can pour as grace into your jumpy, jittery, soul to make the last years of your life truly holy, whole, full of Our love and yours."

“Let us start today with this very simple challenge: It is Sunday. Take in the beauty of the trees, the beauty of Holy Mass, quiet time, but everything without rush, strain, obsession. Every time a stressed impulse to finish something in a rush comes over you, stop and pray: “Into Your hands, Jesus, my bridegroom, I comment my spirit; into Your hands I commend this moment, this hour, this day. Into Your hands I commend this project.”

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Remembering

7/21/2014

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At the daily Mass in the little Church in North Carolina where I was visiting it was so sweet to see the mostly older people coming in a rain storm. Most were men. I was remembering how when I was defending the Church’s stand against women priests a seminarian had this simple theory: The Priest is a leader. Most women like to follow men and so do most men so more will follow the priest if he is male.

A friend of mine, Ken Brinker, likes to say: Don’t live rent free in other people’s heads.

From Janis Dunne:
“Hope you find this humorous.

I was remembering my grandmother and the technique she used to keep me from getting out of bed at night once I was put to bed.

I was about 5 years old when I was visiting my grandmother and staying at her house. Evening came and I was put to bed for the night. I guess I was getting out of bed too many times and annoying her. She told me sternly, in spanish, that if I got out of bed any more, the devil was going to grab my ankles. Wondering where he would come from, I asked her, in english, where he was and she said under the bed. I was stopped in my tracks. As the night wore on, I had fallen asleep but woke up and had to go to the bathroom. A dilemma. I had no choice, I had to go. Thinking like a child, I figured if I jumped far enough, the devil could not grab my ankles. His arms could only be so long. I stood on the edge of the bed, with anxiety and leaped as far as I could. When I landed I was pleased to see that my ankles were free. I ran to the bathroom and when finished, made my way back to the bed. I stopped short, now what do I do? I walked back toward the bathroom, turned and ran toward the bed. As I came to the place where I had previously landed, I jumped and pounced perfectly in the bed. Mission accomplished. I got under the covers and went, very satisfactorily, to sleep. For some reason the thought of the devil being under the bed did not frighten me. Not sure why. I suppose if he would only grab me if I got out of bed, then I was safe. I would do this every time I got out of bed after bedtime and it was foolproof. I kept this up until Jr. High, even though I knew better.

I am not sure if my grandmother ever saw me do this but if she did, I can only imagine her laughing. It did curtail any extra bedtime wanderings. I only got out if I had to and I always used my technique.
I guess the moral of the story is that even if your grandmother tells you something frightening, you survive, behave better and remember her fondly.
It makes me smile to think of her.

My priest here casually mentioned "Call any time if you need me." I said, “Oh? You check the voice mail box.?"
No, I answer the phone any time of night when no one is in the office to take calls."
What a priest! He is 75 years old and says 4 Masses every weekend and never goes on vacation because “I love my priestly life.”

I was in angst over my family members. Jesus seemed to tell me this:
Jesus: Without making any decisions at all, now give each member of the family to Me; or better hold them in your hands, each one and, then, let Me take them from you, praying into Your hands and heart, take them.
“Now say goodbye to the project of trying to change them directly. Every time you think of them or of things you want to tell them, pray, instead, “into Your hands I commend the spirit of _________!”
Peace be with you.

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Rattled

7/15/2014

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Rattled over details of my projects, I see that I idol-worship these little works and that’s why I get rattled. Now I am going to hand over each of these to Jesus, one by one.

When I see how hard this is to do, I realize how much I make order and closure into an idol, indeed. Why? Pride, wanting to get into heaven on merit not mercy? Groaning in the Spirit.

In North Carolina visiting my daughter who has lymphoma. She is crying and crying from medications but also fear of the cancer not being healed. She can’t know at this point. Despairing. I don’t know how to help her.

Jesus seemed to say about the agony in the garden:
"The disciples couldn’t stand it and ran away, even John. But then John and Mary stood under the cross. Stand under the cross and feel it all with her without many words except 'I love you.'”

Talking to the priest here who used to be my spiritual director when I lived here, I realized that I can’t control these sufferings of my daughters. We resist redemptive suffering, he said, because transformation is hard. I am afraid that if I embrace redemptive sufferings then I will become a victim soul. He said look at St. Paul and strength in weakness.

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And Maybe You

7/15/2014

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Jesus seemed to tell me, and maybe you, the reader, if the shoe fits:
"You need always to make quiet prayer the first thing of your day except when you have morning campus classes. 77 years of hasty anger will not disappear easily. Now, before anything else, have your quiet prayer time in My arms."

I went to confession to a priest this morning about this Jezebel-like spirit of rage at men if they seem to prefer sweet, subservient women vs. strong women like myself. After absolution I felt a demon leave me and emerged shaking inside.

I felt great joy about the Hobby Lobby victory. I had given up on the United States over the pro-life issue.
Jesus seemed to say: "You thought I was sleeping in the boat and not doing anything for the storm your country is going through of the culture of death. You see that is not so with this small but possibly huger pro-life victory."

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Jesus seemed to tell me:

7/15/2014

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"Since your conversion so many years ago, I have sent the Holy Spirit to grace the nature I gave you of love of truth and clarity of thought. I rejoice when I see that out of confusion, muddle, anger, and desperation, you come to a good insight about behavior and about remedies. Especially frequent confession. As you, yourself, recognized, you are better at mind and will than the heart. I am expanding your heart during this time especially so you can see that when you are angry you hurt other people."

"Now, confess to me that you often care more about the pseudo-victory of anger than about the hurting of others and beg me to place you once more in My Sacred Heart and the Immaculate Heart of Mary." (The feast day of today and tomorrow.)

Jesus also seemed to tell me: "Even Mary and Joseph were anxious sometimes. I don’t wish you to become a Stoic. Just gently bring Me the anxiety when it comes so I can take it away. What you are really anxious about is that you would have no strong men to lean on. But I am your strong man, not to take away all suffering from your life, but to urge you on to hide yourself in My wounds whenever you feel anxious. Right now in this your time of so personal prayer, throw yourself into My heart and pray Marantha until the anxiety leaves."

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Why Am I Doubting?

7/14/2014

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I checked out the origin on the wonderful meditations in the AA book 24 Hours a Day and found out they were locutions to a Christian woman of prayer! And so, dear Jesus, I am thinking why am I doubting, thinking that Yours to me these days might not be from You? If You give locutions that have helped millions of alcoholics to get into deeper spirituality of everyday life to one who is not a Catholic, surely You would do that for me your 24/7 Catholic leader.
Smile.

I talked to a lay evangelist leader yesterday about redemptive suffering as the key missing item in leaders such as myself who still have glaring faults (mine being anger still). I decided to try making an accountability list of daily sufferings offered up instead of complained about and send it to him as an accountability exercise, After half a day it makes me feel depressed even to write them down. I thought I should make a companion list of all the pleasures and joys of each day.

Jesus seemed to tell me that: I appreciate the way you, My dear, work so, so hard, at whatever you think will make you more holy. I will help you on this, but you mustn’t think it is all a matter of effort vs. bringing Me your whole self, body, mind, heart, soul, moment by moment.

A counselor suggested that the wounded child, me, gets furious if others will not let me be the one in control. I felt helpless as a child.

_____________________________________

Miscellaneous insights of this same counselor:

Buddhist saying: when you make peace with your mother and father you make peace with the world.

In the US a mountain climber only feels successful if he/she has reached the top. But Japanese deliberately stop short of the top to take time out to praise the mountain.

Confusion is the beginning of knowledge. If you are not confused, you can just think you have everything right in your own head when you don’t.

It is easier to say I am right and you are wrong than to look for reconciliation.

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Carla

7/14/2014

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Carla, my twin sister has been visiting me at the Seminary. The kitchen is closed in the summer. Some of you have followed the delicious meals I had when teaching the Vietnamese Sisters here. Now that summer session is over and during her week long visit, I thought my twin would enjoy eating some of the foods we had as children. But, instead, she told me that she can’t eat out of cans because she felt undernourished as a child and had to eat in a nourishing way all her life to keep up her strength as a dancer.

Rev. Martin Laird, O.S.A.

Carla led me in a Laird contemplative prayer where you read a spiritual passage and then eyes closed pray silently Maranatha for a half hour. We did it together. During it I got very peaceful. I thought I pray better silently with another person praying in the room this way.

An insight that came out of our being together this time was that since she was the dominant twin, older by 10 minutes, but always playing that role, I got into retaliating by being childishly demanding, wanting never to cede to anyone else’s will, setting my own self up as a standard.

Jesus seemed to tell me that in families we tend to write off the sufferings of our siblings because they express whatever we all experienced in a different way. You both try to substitute bravado for tears. Tears are better than her true grit or your anger. I am giving you lots of free time just now for such healings and changes.
Take it.

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Senior Moment

7/13/2014

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July 11, 2014
Dear Readers,
Big Senior Moment: Instead of sending Jim Ridley, goodbooksmedia web-master, my notes for blogs, last week just before he left for a trip and I left to visit my daughter in North Carolina, I sent him a huge section of my spiritual journal, full of much too personal things that could offend the people I wrote about. I asked him to take most of this off and substitute what I am now giving him that follows which included general wisdom I got from these same experience and also more regular things I had waiting for blog insertions on the web.

"The greatest prayer is Help!”

Gabriel Meyer, a dear friend, had this wonderful insight to convey to me recently.
He calls it the Eucharistic understanding of God. As God is in the Incarnation, and in the Eucharist, He is also in our pain. We want to leave the pain and leap into Him, but He waits for us in the pain.

The daughter who has lymphoma and has 3 children still at home was off to her 5th chemo treatment – they involve lots of pain and nausea, etc. I wrote to her that it seems to me as you go off on the pilgrimage to the torture chamber today that, like Jesus, you are laying down your life on the cross of chemo out of love for your husband and the children. There are many who simply refuse chemo, radiation, and the like, because they don't have anyone they would rather suffer for than leave by just letting go and exiting this "valley of tears."

n relation to a novel I was reading by Romain Gary about an anarchist terrorist, Jesus seemed to tell me: I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life, but humans have a desperate need to try self-redemption in the form of average sins and spectacular political and anti-political movements. That is because they despair of Me and heaven. It is just so hard for all of you to really trust in spite of My great deeds of love to prove My promises. You, Ronda, must be witnessing Me through never committing even the smallest sins of self-redemption. I am taking You into My own hands now not only through these locutions but all day long if you will only say Yes.

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Spe Salvi

Remembering

Rattled

And Maybe You

Jesus seemed to tell me:

Why Am I Doubting?

Carla

Senior Moment

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